


Clowns are Bad For Your Health

by Autumn_R_Rivers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationship, F/F, F/M, Female Reader, M/M, Named Reader, Self Insert, Slow Burn, Will Add Tags As They Become Relevant, gamzee is an ass and i hate him, karkat is reader's moirail, this is really selfish writing and i'm not expecting anyone except me to enjoy it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-06-25 17:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15645519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumn_R_Rivers/pseuds/Autumn_R_Rivers
Summary: Gamzee really sucks at being a matesprit, no one notices except Karkat (eventually).





	1. Go Fish

**Author's Note:**

> So this is gonna be bad. Like, REAL bad. It's probably gonna be ooc. I've never written for homestuck before and honestly this is just to satisfy my own weird desires. I'll make sure to update the warnings as things come up.

"Go fish, brother." 

A chorus of groans echoed through the metal walls of the ship. Karkat stood and threw his cards to the ground with a frustrated screech. 

"How is it that you don't have ANY of the cards anyone's asked for? You haven't given away a single card all game!" He resisted the urge to stomp his foot like a wriggler, crossing his arms tensely instead. 

"I hate to agree with a Karkat Brand Temper Tantrum, but we've been playing this shitty game for hours." Dave spoke up, expression unreadable as always as he tossed his own cards into the middle of the circle. 

"Thank you!!" Karkat said. "I'm glad we all agree that Gamzee is clearly cheating and should just admit it now!" He tapped his foot just a little too fast to look relaxed, turning his head to glare at the troll in question. The clown didn't even have to sense to look guilty, only shrugging with that relaxed, half lidded expression of his. 

"Ain't no cheating here, brother. Only motherfuckin miracles." His standard grin widened with no doubt faygo-induced bliss. 

Karkat opened his mouth to start screaming again, but he was cut off by Kanaya standing up beside him to brush herself off. 

"Miracles or no miracles," She said carefully. "I think we can all agree that this game is over." She looked relieved to have an excuse to leave. In fact, no one really looked sorry to be done playing at all. 

Karkat had only managed to drag about half a dozen people downstairs in the first place. He thought card games might be a relaxing way for them to all spend time together without devolving into idiotic banter, but clearly that wasn't the case. He wasn't even sure how many people had actually wanted to play in the first place. Kanaya and Rose only came so they could sit across from each other and make goo goo eyes over their hands. Dave came to satisfy some daily irony quota no doubt. 

And Gamzee...well why did Gamzee ever do anything? Whatever the reason, he brought his matesprit along. They rarely did anything apart anyway. She was sitting next to him now. 

Wait. 

What was her name again? 

ENTER NAME?

Her name is ARYA, and her appearance is kept purposefully ambiguous so as to remain relatable. She HAS EYES and ENJOYS HOBBIES, some of which might be revealed later, but may just as easily remain a mystery so that you can impart your own interests on an empty shell. But that would probably get boring, wouldn't it? Whatever the case, Karkat does not find her particularly interesting. She doesn't talk much. 

Karkat realized that he had been staring at her for quite a while now, while he went over her various traits in his head. He wasn't sure why he did that in the first place, but now he was feeling pretty rude. She seemed to be doing her best to avoid eye contact, looking pretty uncomfortable. Karkat averted his eyes sheepishly. He didn't even have an explanation for why he was staring. 

"Are we calling it a motherfuckin tie then? " Gamzee let his own cards drop - face down of course, so no one could actually see what he had. He stretched lazily, draping one arm over Anya's shoulders. She relaxed into him immediately, setting her hand down as well, silently as always.

"I think that would be the easiest solution, yes." Rose was looking at Kanaya like she had an entirely different solution in mind. Karkat made a face, purposefully looking away from the two. Everywhere he looked, two people were getting all hot and bothered at each other. He just couldn't get away from all these couples. 

"Gross." Dave seemed to read his mind, as all the people in the room slowly got to their feet. "Get a room, maybe? Just not this one." He gestured at Rose and Kanaya, who were by now standing quite close to each other. 

"Jealous, Dave?" Kanaya pulled back, leaving Rose pouting. Had she been drinking again? 

"Okay I'm gonna stop this conversation right now before one of you ass gobblers says something disgustingly inappropriate." Karkat scowled, gesturing wildly at the door. "Anyone who was planning on following that trail of thought is fully encouraged to leave. Right now." 

He didn't have to ask twice. Rose practically dragged Kanaya upstairs while Dave gagged loudly, leaning against the wall like some kind of hoodlum. Karkat rolled his eyes. 

After a heavy pause, Gamzee spoke up again. 

"We better be motherfuckin goin too. I can hear a horn pile all callin my motherfuckin name, brothers." He waved lazily, before turning to walk away in that weird slinky way that he does. He didn't even pause in his steps when he called over his shoulder. "You comin, flush sister?" 

Anya flashed an apologetic(?) smile, before scampering off to follow him. 

There was one, blissful moment of silence. Just one. 

"So that was a whole lot of mental making out we just witnessed. Like damn, I know there's not much else to do but do they gotta occupy ALL their time like that? Can't they keep an hour or two a day for being decent? Jesus." Dave shook his head, clearly grossed out. Karkat didn't quite understand the bond of human siblings, but even he didn't want to be privvy to so much flush action. 

"I'm just going to stop inviting them to things if they're going to make everyone else uncomfortable." He crossed his arms stubbornly. They both knew he wasn't going to do anything like that, but he was still having a hard time letting go of his earlier fit. 

"Dude, yes. We should put up a sign at all these things that's like. 'No screwing people with your eyes in the main room'. They can't do it if we put up a sign forbidding it. That's like, rule number one."

Karkat grunted in agreement, crossing his arms sullenly. As much as he complained, the journey had been...nice. No running for their lives, no looming death. Just hanging out, like friends. Dave seemed to be having the same thoughts, the annoyed set in his jaw obviously forced. 

He should say something. Continue the conversation. He willed himself to think of something witty, or at least interesting. Even if that failed, something dumb would probably work. It would give them an excuse to stay down here and keep talking. He tried so hard to think of something, and the longer he stayed silent the harder it became, and the more awkward he felt. 

In the end, he said nothing. 

"I guess I'll take off too then." Dave said finally. Was that disappointment in his voice? "Try not to blow a gasket screaming at anyone, Vantas." He flashed a single half smile, before pushing off the wall in and leaving in the same instant. God he was fast. 

"Yeah!" Karkat said a moment too late. "You too." He was left alone then, in an empty room. 

He bent down and started picking up the scattered cards.


	2. Got any Threes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah gamzee is REALLY ooc here. I also can't pick a tense apparently. 
> 
> Also big ol trigger warning for absue, emotional and otherwise.

"Go fish, brother." 

You keep your eyes on your cards as the chaos unfolds, carefully arranging and rearranging them into different orders. You don't say anything, even when everyone is yelling at once and it would probably be fun to toss something silly into the mix. 

You look up and see the sparkle in everyone's eyes that says it's all for sport, and they're all having a good time. You feel something bitter and sad settle into the pit of your stomach but you ignore it. 

It's then that you realize Karkat is staring at you. He doesn't look more annoyed than usual, or like he has a question. He's just...looking. You squirm uncomfortably, unsure if you're supposed to be staring back or not. In the end you settle on just looking back at your cards, and eventually he stops. You let out the breath you didn't realize you'd been holding. 

"Are we calling it a motherfuckin tie then?" You almost jump, stiffening for a moment as Gamzee's arm settles across your shoulder, but then letting yourself relax a bit. The lower levels of the ship are always a bit cool, and his body against yours is warm. You're suddenly aware that you're the only one still holding your cards, so you set them on the floor in front of you. You already missed the distraction. 

You let your eyes settle on a neutral place, listening to the conversation quietly. It was always fun to watch them squabble. There were certain people you could put in a room together and you know within minutes they'd be yelling about something. Not even in a mean way, just in a yelling way. Karkat said the cruelest things, but after being around him for long enough you quickly learned that he didn't mean it. 

The room starts to empty out, Kanaya and Rose both disappearing up the steps with immature giggles, much to Dave and Karkat's displeasure. Gamzee is as unbothered as ever, but even he recognizes that this is about to get awkward. 

"We better be motherfuckin goin too. I can hear a horn pile all callin my motherfuckin name, brothers." He waved lazily, his eyes half closed. He doesn't even look at you on his way past, but you aren't forgotten. 

"You comin, flush sister?" His voice is as laid back as ever but you can feel the edge on it. You make sure not to waste time. You offer a nervous smile as a rushed goodbye, before turning around to follow your matesprit. 

The walk back to your rooms is silent and feels very long. You can feel tense air coming off of Gamzee, and it smells like fear. 

"You're motherfuckin quiet tonight." Finally, he speaks, and you let out a breath, relieved. If he was really mad, he would have waited till you were inside. "Somethin wrong?" It sounds like a perfectly normal thing to ask, but you know to be careful. 

"I was just listening. It was a very entertaining night." You smile, trying to make it a joke. 

He chuckles, and you let your smile relax. You reach your room, with his right next door, and he opens your door for you, stepping aside like a gentleman. As soon as you cross the threshold, you feel fear crackling in the air like an electric current. Your heart pounds so hard you think he might hear it. You know he can feel it. 

"You should really start motherfuckin talkin more." He closes the door behind him, and you can't help but feel like he's blocked off the exit. Even though you know you don't have to run from him, you shouldn't be afraid of him. 

"The other's are startin to notice, and I'm motherfuckin worried about you." He makes it sound like a burden. Like he's doing you a favor. He leans against the wall, posture a mess, lazy smile on his face. Everything about him seems relaxed, but the tension in the air tells a different story. He reminds you of a predator that knows it already has its prey. 

"I just... don't have much to say, really." You start carefully, crossing the room to sit on your bed. "I prefer to listen."

The words are only out of your mouth for a moment before his eyes flash and catch yours. You're frozen, unable to look away, and you feel it begin to pool in your stomach. Cold, unnatural fear. It isn't your own, but something he created in you. It creeps up your body, dread so heavy it almost hurts. You whimper softly, gripping the bedsheets with white knuckles. 

He lets you stay like that for only a moment or two, before he looks away and the spell is broken. You have to bite your tongue to keep from panting openly. He crosses the room to rest his palm against your cheek. You know the softness in his eyes is overexaggerated, but you fall for it anyway, leaning into his touch. 

"Just try and be more motherfuckin..." He pauses, clearly searching for a word. "Social. Alright? I don't wanna have to worry about you no more."

You nod numbly, and after a moment of searching your face, he leaves. He closes the door behind him again, leaving you alone in an empty room.

You scoot yourself backwards on your bed until your back is against the wall, and for a while you just breathe. In and out, as calmly as you can. After a few minutes your heartrate slows and you finally begin to feel normal again. 

It wasn't always like this. You would have never gotten with him if it was. He used to be charming, a real gentleman. You thought you'd found the diamond hidden behind all that faygo. And to an extent it was true, sometimes he was a diamond. 

For days at a time sometimes he is gentle and loving, just like you remember him to be. But it never lasts, you always do something wrong to make him upset again. You don't even remember how it started. You just know that it has gotten worse and worse as time wears on. 

Maybe when this is all over, and the stress is gone, when you're all living happily in a new universe. Maybe then you can be happy together. Your chest aches with longing for it. You don't even know if it's possible, but you wish so badly for what Rose and Kanaya have. What you used to have. 

What did you do to ruin it? 

You curl up on your side, not even bothering to change your clothes. It takes a long time, but eventually you fall asleep.


	3. Don't you know what's ON these floors?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No proofreading. We post our unedited stream of conciousness like men. 
> 
> Don't even read it. Just throw it up there and hope for the best.

You wake up still sleepy, but you know there's no more sleep to be had. You lay with your eyes closed for a few minutes until it becomes obvious you aren't going to get to sleep any longer. You groan, rolling onto your back to squint up at the ceiling. 

Somehow, it was morning, despite the lack of sun and moon cycle as they hurtled through the void. It was a miracle they kept any concept of time at all, but somehow all their devices remained synced to the same time. 

You turn and sit up so your feet are on the ground. The floor is cold, and you shiver. You don't remember taking off your socks, you probably kicked them off in your sleep. Reluctantly you stand, stretching. With a sigh you let your arms drop, looking around. 

You need a shower. 

You give yourself another moment to wake up a little more, before digging around to find something at least semi clean to wear. Nothing fancy, you'd given up trying to look presentable after realizing that inevitably everyone on this ship would see you in your pajamas eventually. 

You open your door and pad out, still sockless. It seemed silly to cover your feet just to undress again at the end of the hall. Gamzee is nowhere to be seen, probably already eating breakfast. Or still asleep you guess. You hadn't even checked the time. You couldn't eat this early, it made you nauseous. 

You're surprised to meet Karkat in the hallway, though in hindsight you shouldn't be. He lives back here too, after all. You aren't even sure which door is his. He turns to look at you, looking just as surprised at having been interrupted at...whatever he was doing. 

"Oh, hey Anya." He waves a bit and then crosses his arms. It doesn't seem hostile, more like it's just the stance he's used to. "You're up early." 

You bite your lip, trying to think what to say. More social. 

"Hey. Yeah...couldn't get back to sleep. What about you?" You start to feel awkward standing there with an armful of clothes, so you stash them in your sylladex. 

"I'm ALWAYS up early." He points out, looking at you curiously. Ah, were you already supposed to know that? Shit. 

"Well yeah, but I mean," You scramble to save the conversation. "You're just kind of standing out here? That's what I meant."

"Oh. That's..." He frowns, shuffling uncomfortably. "None of your damned business! It's bad enough we're all on this stupid tiny ship together, do we have to know everything everyone's doing all the time??" 

You start to recoil, blinking in surprise. Of course you know that Karkat is prone to sudden outbursts, but you're usually quiet enough to avoid getting the brunt of it. You remind yourself that he usually doesn't mean any harm. 

"Ah...sorry. I didn't mean to pry." You fiddle with you hands awkwardly, trying to come up with something less offensive to say. "Last night sure was something, right?" 

He snorts, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, something disastrous. Joke's on me for thinking it wasn't too much to ask for us get along for an hour or two." You see him relax again. "I guess that's what happens when you put a dozen plus horny teens on one ship with plenty of empty beds. They can't even go ten minutes without holeing up in some corner to makeout." 

You give a quiet laugh. "Yeah... Rose and Kanaya are pretty intense. I try not to get between them." 

"Oh like you and Gamzee are any different" Karkat raises his eyebrows, his voice taking on a teasing lilt. "I see you two cuddling all the time."

"Oh." You start to hesitate, but catch yourself in time. "Yeah! I guess so. We try not to be so...open about it though. The PDA thing is pretty uncomfortable."

Karkat gives you a bit of an odd look, had he noticed your stutter? In the end though, he just laughs again. "Jesus christ, I wish the others felt the same. You can't take two steps in this place without tripping over a writhing pile of bodies and buckets." 

You snort. Karkat's language was always so colorful. "Yeah, it's gross." You say flatly, pulling your clothes back out of your sylladex again. "Anyway, I'm getting really cold out here, I'd better get to the shower." You wiggle your bare toes, as if to prove how cold you are. 

He looks down, like he only just now noticed that you weren't wearing shoes. "Ah. Yes." He doesn't look impressed, silent for a long moment. You're just about to move past him when he speaks again. "You know these floors are really dirty, right? We were JUST talking about exactly why you wouldn't want to walk around this place barefoot, and yet here you are paddling around, baring your naked skin to whatever the hell these floors have seen."

All you can do is shrug. "It was too much trouble putting on socks just to take them off again." 

He blinks at you incredulously. 

"I'm about to wash my feet anyway." You add. 

"You're disgusting." He shakes his head slowly. "I'm going to breakfast, please do not talk to me again until you're wearing something on your feet. I don't care if you just tape paper on the bottom of them as long as you're not tracking shit all over the place." He waves as he walks past you towards the kitchen. 

"Later Karkat." You smile faintly to yourself in amusement. It had been a long time since you'd just stood around and talked about something stupid. Now you're not sure why you ever stopped. 

You make it all the way to the bathroom without further incident, and knock on the door. It must be earlier than you thought because there's no answer, and when you go in it's empty. You sigh in relief, and lock the door behind you, immediately walking over to turn on the hot water. 

You strip off your clothes and step in, melting into the warm spray with a quiet hum of pleasure. You just stand there letting the water run over you, rinsing away all your discomfort from before. 

Gamzee's fear leaves no physical marks, but you can always feel it afterwards. Like copper in your mouth, and a weird coating on your skin. No one can tell it's there, but you hate it. Hot water is the only thing that seems to get rid of it, leaving you feel at least a little better when you're done. 

But you know you can't waste all the hot water on yourself when everyone else would be waking up and wanting to use it soon. You only allow yourself a few brief moments to just stand there before washing yourself properly and stepping back out. From there, routine consumes you. You run a brush through your hair, and slip into the clean close you picked out. You skip brushing your teeth though, the longer you're in mortal peril the less you care about cavities. 

If you ever get out of this and go back to a normal life your teeth are gonna be screwed. 

Feeling much more normal, you stash your dirty clothes into your sylladex to be dealt with later, and headed back down the hall towards the kitchen. There were no formal rules on where you could eat on the ship, but most congregated in this weird mess hall section right off the kitchen. Sure, some people ended up sprawled in random places eating a sandwich or whatever, but that was rare. Maybe the routine made them feel better about everything else. 

Whatever the reason, there were plenty of trolls already there eating when you crossed through to get food. You were too hungry to pay too much attention to who, but you do see Karkat sitting next to Dave looking FAR too amused for his own good. Poor Dave. 

The "kitchen" is really just an empty room that used to hold cooking equipment but now only has an alchemiter shoved awkwardly into the space. Even with all the stoves and things removed it's still an incredibly tight fit, and you can't help but wonder why you all didn't just put it somewhere else. 

Either way you take a moment to thank the creepy writhing gods outside that someone managed to figure out the punch code for fruit loops. Artificially created bowl in hand you head back out to the dining room and this time pay more attention to who's there. Just as you thought, Gamzee is already sat down at an empty table, presumably waiting for you.

He seems to sense you looking at him, glancing up to catch your eye and flashing you a lazy smile. You go over to slide into the seat next to him, and he wraps one arm around your shoulder to pull you into an affectionate sidehug. You just manage to set your bowl on the table before it spills. 

"And how did my favorite motherfuckin sister sleep?" He talks slow but genuinely kind, and you let yourself relax. He's in a good mood. 

"Not as long as I would have liked." You admit, stirring your spoon around trying to get all the loops wet. Gamzee on the other hand is having Faygo for breakfast. You grimace bitterly; you hate that stuff. 

"You been sleepin bad all motherfuckin month." Gamzee clucks sympathetically. "Wish I could help a sister out but I just don't know nothin about problems like that. Sleep just comes to me, like a motherfuckin miracle." He takes a swig right on the last word, as if to emphasize his point. 

You shrug a bit, by now used to parsing out his meaning between all the ramblings and miracles. "I'm sure it's just the stress of the game." You say, purposefully avoiding the real reason why you have such a hard time sleeping. Does he really not know how much your fights affect you? 

"Hm, I guess it is a little tense in here, what with all the dyin and the comin back and all." He doesn't say anything after that, letting you two fall into a comfortable silence. You eat your cereal, wondering not for the first time how the alchemiter knows what fruit loops taste like. 

Your breakfast is peaceful, and you hope that the rest of your day is the same.


	4. Karkat: Get Hounded by Lovetorn Teen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I going to keep flip flopping between past and present tense? Yes. Yes I am. 
> 
> I guess present just sounds better with self insert but sounds dumb in third person.

Karkat awoke with a groan, in a bad mood as always. His damn brain never let him sleep any later than this. A quick look at his hubtop confirmed his fears - four am. 

"Aughhhhhh." He dropped his pillow on his face, hoping he would suffocate and fall unconcious. Of course he'd probably die soon after. And it wasn't working anyway. 

With a frustrated huff, he threw his pillow across the room and got out of bed. There was no goddamn reason to be up this early on this floating piece of space garbage rocketing through who knows where. Hell, he could sleep all three years if he wanted to!! But no, here he was, up again. 

God. Dammit. 

He didn't even bother trying to tame his wild hair before stomping out of his room sullenly. As long as he was up, he might as well eat something. He ran one hand over his face, already feeling his tantrum subsiding. He was too damned tired to keep that shit up. 

The muffled sound of music slowed his steps. He tilted his head to the side, as if that would make him hear better. This was Dave's door, wasn't it? He hesitated, looking back and forth down the hall before taking a step closer, this close to leaning up against the door to hear better. 

He could now clearly hear a beat, not too loud but just loud enough for him to pick out the different instruments making it up. It sounded synthesized, like the whole thing was being fabricated. Which of course made more sense than Dave being in there playing like four different instruments at once. Hell, for all he knew this might just be playing out of an ipod or something. 

But lower than all that, there was the soft drone of a voice. A voice that was unmistakably Dave's. Too quiet to make out any words, only enough to hear the rise and fall of the rhythm. It was fast paced, weaving in and out of the beat perfectly. 

Karkat was transfixed. Maybe it was just because it was so different than anything he'd heard, or maybe the selection on the ship was just so slim that ANY music at this point sounded like it was composed by Troll Mozart himself. 

His peace was shattered by approaching footsteps. He turned quickly, seeing that it was only Anya making her way down the hallway. Jesus christ she was quiet. 

"Oh hey Anya." He waved at her and crossed his arms, hoping that he looked properly nonchalant. "You're up early" 

He then proceeds to have a conversation we've already read.

"You're disgusting." Karkat felt his lip curl at the idea of what must be on the bottom of her feet. Does she do this a lot?? Jesus. "I'm going to breakfast, please do NOT talk to me again until you're wearing something on your feet. I don't care if you just tape paper on the bottom of them as long as you're not tracking shit all over the place."

He edged around her to continue in the direction he'd been heading before he got so thoroughly distracted. 

"Later, Karkat." He heard her call, but he didn't see any reason to respond farther. He was far enough away now that he'd have to yell down the hall and that would be awkward anyway. He did feel a little bad about yelling at her and stalking away but it's not like it was unusual behavior for him. She probably knew that. 

Hopefully. 

He reached the mess hall and walked straight back to the "kitchen", refusing to make eye contact with anyone until he'd alchemized some coffee. They only had the one kind of coffee, but you could combine it with other objects to make basically any flavor you wanted. 

This of course led to some...interesting combinations. Like gusher coffee. It was just a mug full of caffeine flavored gushers. Karkat shuddered. He could thank Egbert for that nightmare. 

After a few sips of regular, gusherless coffee, he was in a much better mood. He made himself a bagel too, and headed back out into the common area. It was still early enough that it wasn't difficult to find an empty table. He slid into a seat with a satisfied sigh, and settled himself down for a quiet morning. 

"Yo, Vantas!" 

Of course, what was he thinking? As if anything was quiet on this godforsaken ship. He looked up to see none other than Dave himself waving at him from across the room. For a moment he was reminded of the music that had distracted him earlier. But those pleasant feelings were immediately smothered by annoyance as Dave vaulted cooly over a table on his way across the room. 

"Dave Strider, you are a menace." Karkat pointed out, swallowing the bite he had been trying to enjoy. "What did you save like, twelve steps? Now everyone in here thinks you're some kind of asshole showoff." 

"Wow, rude. Everyone here already knows I'm an asshole showoff." Dave flashed his teeth in a cocky smile. "But that's not why I came over here. You're the expert on the weird troll romance shit, right?" 

"Yes that's right. I have a phd in The Weird Troll Romance Shit, with a minor in what the hell is your question I'm trying to eat breakfast." Karkat rolled his eyes, pretending like he wasn't instantly ten times more interested in this conversation. 

"Oh sweet dude, you know I only accept advice from professionals." Dave was...stalling? 

"Then you've come to the right place, ask away." Karkat waved his hand, falling silent to give Dave time to respond. 

But he didn't. He just stood there awkwardly. He was wearing his signature shades, but Karkat was almost positive he was avoiding eye contact. This hesitance was very unusual.

"You can just out with it, I'm not gonna judge you." He felt his heart rate rise for some reason. 

"Yeah. Uh...jeez." Dave leaned in closer, presumably so he could speak more quietly. "It's just. God this is dumb. I, uh."

"Yeah?" This close Karkat could just barely catch a flash of crimson from behind those shades. 

"I...I think terezi is into me!" Dave hissed, looking left and right like he was afraid someone might have heard. 

For a second Karkat was only able to stare. He couldn't help but be disappointed, though he didn't know why. It only lasted for a second though. He burst out laughing. 

"Oh my god! That's why you've been over here stuttering?" 

"Dude, shut up!" Dave crossed his arms, his cheeks darkening just a bit. 

"This is great, oh man. Are you usually so terrified by advances by the opposite sex?" Karkat managed to stifle his laughter to a series of muffled snorts. 

"You know what? I don't have to put up with this. I'll just ask Kanaya." Dave whirled around, his god tier cape swishing dramatically. There was no way he didn't do that on purpose. 

"If you don't want everyone to know I would NOT tell Kanaya about this." Karkat warned, still smiling widely. 

Dave turned back around, looking suspicious. "Kanaya wouldn't gossip if I asked her not to." He sounded uncertain. 

"Maybe not, but she doesn't keep anything from Rose, and we both know she'd have no problem spreading this shit like wildfire." Karkat watched the color drain from his face. He let him squirm for a minute, before speaking again. "Just get over here and I'll answer whatever you want. I can't change Terezi though." 

Dave hesitated for a minute, but eventually dropped into the chair next to Karkat, huffing. He immediately started tipping the chair back, and Karkat had to bite his tongue to keep from going off on him. 

"So I'm going to say, based on her behavior, that Terezi's interest in you is flush. Which is most like what you would normally experience in a human relationship." Karkat took another bite of his now cold bagel, long past the point where he was willing to wait to finish it. 

"Okay but isn't she already dating Vriska?" Dave crossed his arms again, looking like he REALLY didn't want to be having this conversation. Too bad for him. 

"Yeah but they're kismesis. It shouldn't affect your relationship with her. But you do have to be careful not to let your interactions edge anywhere near black, because Vriska is insane and WILL murder you on sight if she thinks you're cheating." 

"Jesus Christ." Dave looked afraid. "Listen, I don't even know if I like Terezi that way at all. She's freaking scary, okay? She's always wanting to lick me." 

"That's normal Terezi behavior though." Karkat pointed out. "But if you're really not interested you can just tell her. She's not going to decapitate you." 

Dave didn't look like he believed him. 

"I'm serious. Terezi's weird at first, but she's understanding. If you tell her off she'll move on." 

"Okay but the thing is," Dave rubbed his eyes under his shades. "I might have...already agreed to hang out with her?" 

"Ughhhhh! Are you kidding me, Strider? Jesus Christ!" Karkat facepalmed so hard he was probably going to bruise. 

"Listen can't you just talk to her for me? Please??" Dave begged. 

"Oh hell no. We are NOT doing this. This is not some shitty high school romance movie. We are not giggling beside your human locker right now, sending notes back and forth like dumbasses. You are going to get your shit together and tell her you made a mistake like an ADULT." 

"But I'm not an aduuuuult." Dave whined, leaning back so far he should have definitely fallen over. 

"Oh for god's sake." Karkat put his face in both hands, suddenly exhausted. This was gonna be a long day. "Fine, I'll bail you out. But you're coming with me! And you're gonna do most of the talking! But right now, you are going to sit there and let me eat this cold, disgusting bagel! Like I've been trying to for twenty goddamn minutes!" He huffed, taking a pointed bite. 

"Oh thank god. I owe you big time, Vantas." Dave honestly looked like he was gonna burst with relief. 

"Damn right you do! Don't think I won't be taking advantage of you in the future!" 

"Damn, first Terezi now you wanna 'take advantage' of me too? There's only so much Dave to go around." He grinned that stupid cocky smile again. Yeah, asshole Dave was back. 

"Would you just go the hell away and let me eat??" 

He was already leaving, walking quickly backwards and shooting off finger guns, before whirling around to disappear down the hallway. Karkat rolled his eyes. 

He went back to eating, hoping to choke it down before some other lovestruck teen came over here hounding him for advice. His eyes landed on Anya, sitting all the way on the other side of the room with Gamzee. It looked like they were talking, all huddled together, but he couldn't hear what they were saying. 

He remembered her weird hesitation when he asked her about her relationship. They seemed perfectly happy now. Maybe she had just been embarrased to have been called out after she was just dishing dirt on Rose and Kanaya. Either way her expression stuck with him, making him curious. 

He doubted he'd ever find out what it was about.


	5. Just can't catch a break in this place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a long time, and it's not very good. Bit we're moving into more interesting things!

"So where were you supposed to meet her again?" Karkat huffed, casting an unamused gaze on the sheepish human in front of him. "Thank you by the way for coming to me the morning of the day you're supposed to spend with Terezi. I love going into stressful situations with no time to prepare. It's like my favorite thing." 

Dave adjusted his glasses nervously, something Karkat almost never saw him do. How did he even get into this mess? 

Oh yeah by being a freaking idiot who doesn't know how to speak his mind. Jesus christ. 

"We were gonna chill in the library. Talk about sick beats, y'know? I didn't even realize it was supposed to be like. You know. A date." He was obviously trying really hard to keep a stoic face. 

Karkat rolled his eyes. He would mourn the loss of a peaceful day spent lounging around, but with the assholes on this ship? That was never gonna happen anyway. If not this crisis someone would have found something else to lose their shit over. In fact, someone might be losing their shit RIGHT NOW and he just didn't know. He preferred not to think about it. What he didn't know wasn't his problem. 

"Alright come on then. We're gonna straighten this out once and for all." He practically dragged Dave across the ship, heading for the library/computer room. The sooner this was over the sooner he would stop acting like a nervous school girl faced with the daunting prospect of human "prom". 

"Terezi, you in here?" He called into the room, pushing the door open. This was going to be humiliating for everyone involved. 

"Karkat?" He didn't know if he was relieved to see a pair of candy red glasses, or full of dread. He saw her brow narrow in suspicion, no doubt as she caught a whiff of Dave's scent behind him. "What are YOU doing here? I don't remember inviting any lame yelling guys to this hangout." She cackled, flashing her teeth. 

"You know? I could explain that but I'm not going to. Dave has something he wants to tell you." He shoved the human in question forward, making him yelp uncharacteristically. Humans made the cutest little squeaks sometimes. 

"Ah. Hey Terezi." Dave pushed his glasses up closer to his eyes, a nervous grin settling on his face. "Sup?" 

Karkat chose not to mention that Terezi could definitely smell fear. Honestly she probably already knew that Dave wasn't into her flushwise. She probably got off on making the poor guy uncomfortable. Karkat rolled his eyes. 

"Oh you know Coolkid. Kicking ass and taking names. Waiting for you to show up." She grinned widely, almost baring her teeth. Yeah, no wonder Dave was afraid of her. "I thought you had something to say?" 

"I do! For sure. Just didn't wanna hop right into it, y'know? Like damn buy me a drink first. Ha." He laughed awkwardly, crossing his arms and then uncrossing them a second later. 

"So? Spit it out then, don't tell me you're afraid to talk now normally no one can get you to shut up!" Terezi cackled. 

Karkat sighed loudly. They were never going to get anything done like this. 

"Alright Terezi, fun's over. Dave's not interested in any quadrant and you know it. Now quit freaking him out." Karkat edged in between the two slightly, narrowing his eyes. He was sure Terezi meant no harm with her advances, but she was forgetting that troll romance by itself had a tendency to freak humans out, nevermind her already intimidating demeanor. 

"Ugh, Jegus Karkat such a party pooper. I didn't think I needed your permission to hang out with people." Terezi raised one eyebrow, a challenge. "Besides, I haven't heard Dave say he wasn't interested." She looked smug. 

At this moment Dave shifted, looking uncomfortable, though it was hard to tell past the stoic look he'd plastered on. It was pretty obvious that he was ready to be done with this encounter. 

"Yeah? Well if he was interested I don't think he would have asked me for help." Karkat crossed his arms, unable to help being a little smug. 

"Wait...you don't mean." Far from being dismayed, Terezi looked downright delighted as she turned her head to face first Dave and then Karkat. She cackled again, practically dancing. "Karkat! Why didn't you just say so! Sorry for making you uncomfortable, Coolkid." She apologized, but her grin was far to mischevious to be genuine. 

Karkat felt heat rising in his cheeks as he realized what she was implying. Clearly she had misunderstood him. He opened his mouth, about to say something to fix this situation, although he wasn't sure what yet, when Dave interrupted him. 

"What the hell?" 

Karkat's stomach twisted with embarrassment at the annoyance in Dave's voice. God, he'd been so freaked by Terezi's advances and now she was trying to scare him off from him too! What was with her today. He whipped around to say something, but stopped when he realized that Dave wasn't looking at him at all but was instead gazing down the hall, brow furrowed. 

"What-?" Karkat was cut off by a deafening creaking, like the meteor itself was tearing itself apart. He felt like all the blood was leaving his body all at once, leaving him cold with dread. 

"That doesn't sound good..." Dave moved towards the doorway like he could somehow see the source of the sound. Terezi only squinted gravely, no doubt already examining the evidence.

"Yeah, no shit sherlock! Normally screeching metal is such a welcome sound!" Karkat's voice was higher than usual. 

"We'd better go find the others." Dave already had a sword in his hand, his face completely serious. He didn't even fire back a single insult. 

Sometimes Karkat was reminded all of the sudden just how serious their situation was. 

"They're gathering in the computer room." No one asked how Terezi knew that. 

"Oh great cause only good things happen in the computer room." Karkat snapped again, unable to help himself. Stress put him on edge. 

"Then I guess that's where we're going too. Unless you two want to stand around and bicker some more?" A moment ago Dave was nervous and fidgety, but crisis made him calm.

"Whatever let's just go." Karkat shook his head, wanting to pull his sweater up over his head and scream "LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU" but that would be juvenile, and also unhelpful. 

This trip was supposed to be their break, yet here they were creeping down a hallway single file, fearing for their life again. So much for three years of peace. More like a month or two. 

The walls screeched again, the floor shuddering under their feet. Karkat had to steady himself to keep from becoming intimately familiar with the floor. 

They were all too nervous for conversation, so the trip was silent aside from the ominous creaking. They pushed the door open to the computer room to find that it was indeed filling with teens. Apparently while this room had been host to some of the worst, it was also the only place anyone knew to go in an emergency. 

Karkat took a deep breath, and pushed his way inside. Looks like it was going to be another long day.


	6. Well that isn't good

Breakfast was uneventful, aside from the screeching fit that Karkat has for apparently no reason. You watch curiously from your table, but you can't hear what he's saying over the bustle of the room. Gamzee keeps his arm draped around you all morning, but it isn't uncomfortable. 

Even after you finish your cereal you sit there for quite a while, just enjoying each other's company. It feels like when you first got together, back when things were still nice. When the fear that the game brought only heightened your love for each other, and you ran through crisis after crisis not even realizing how much trouble you were in. 

You let yourself revel in that feeling for a few moments. But in the back of your mind, you can't shake the unrest. It was trained into you now, you're always on edge, always waiting for the mood to turn. It makes something sad and wistful settle in your stomach. 

The feeling makes you pull away slightly, and you hide it under the pretense of speaking. "What do you want to do today?" You ask lightly, smiling like nothing is wrong. 

Gamzee makes a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat, swirling the last of his faygo around in the bottom of the bottle. You can already see that his eyes are unfocused. Soon the fog would settle in and there would be no more Gamzee left at all. 

"We could just motherfuckin walk around? Take in all the miracles. Try not to get pulled into another motherfuckin yell fest." He chuckles at that last line.

"That sounds nice." You admit. "There are a lot of rooms we just never go in. It would be like exploring except we won't find anything." 

"We PROBABLY won't find anything, you mean. Never know what might happen. Could be nothing, but could also be a motherfuckin miracle." He smiles lazily, reaching over to run a hand through your hair.

You try really hard not to flinch. From the set in his jaw, you can tell that you didn't quite succeed, but he doesn't say anything. Your breath hitches.

The moment passes, but the edge stays. 

"A walk sounds fun." You say finally, trying to break the silence as gently as possible. 

"Yeah. Let's just go." He shrugs out of his chair, offering a hand to pull you to your feet as well. You accept, though it seems silly to be helped out of a chair of all things. You think it must make him feel good to help you do anything, so you rarely protest.

You leave the dining room hand in hand, walking slowly. You had a whole day to kill, and there just wasn't THAT much meteor to explore. You'd be lucky if you got two hours out of it, honestly. Maybe by then you could think of something better to do.

Right now you were thinking about bed. Wishing you had taken that extra few moments of rest while you had the choice. Your limbs were already feeling too heavy, and what was it like, ten? It was going to be a very long day. 

You walked like that for a long time, going in and out of empty rooms silently. Every now and then, Gamzee would squeeze your hand to bring you back to reality, but for the most part you let your thoughts wander. It had been a long time since huge test tubes full of mysterious creatures interested you. 

At this point you were desensitized to a lot of disturbing things. 

You tried to remember the last time you woke up unworried. These last few months had been the closest any of you had had to normal in a long time. What did that say, when a meteor hurtling through the void at the speed of light was normal? 

You come to a stop in one of the dozen identical rooms you'd walked in and out of, and you look to Gamzee to see what had stopped him. Admittedly, it was getting a little old. And it wasn't even much exercise when you had to open a door every few feet. 

"Tired of walking already?" You ask lightly, stretching your arms above your head, breaking his hold on your hand. "I know this soft life has us both out of shape, but this is kind of ridiculous." You turn to smile at him jokingly. 

"Just thought we might find something better to waste our motherfuckin time with." He smirks, reaching up to brush a hair out of your face. 

You feel something warm bloom in you, and readily accept as he moves to press his lips against yours. You close your eyes, and focus on the way it feels. Like you're a real couple for once. Like he loves you. 

You try not to think about last night. 

He moans softly, dragging his teeth across your bottom lip. Your heart beats wildly with what you told yourself was passion rather than anxiety. You rest your hands on his arms, and gasp as he moves his hands to your top, going to pull it up over your head. 

You push away, breaking the kiss with a hiss of discomfort. He grunts with frustration. 

"I told you already, I...I'm not ready." You pull at the hem of your shirt, as if trying to ensure it stays firmly where it is. 

"Yeah, that's what you've been motherfuckin sayin since we got together. And how long have we been dating now?" He pouts, and it makes his makeup look even more comical than normal. But you know that beyond the innocent face he is annoyed. 

"I know, I just. I need a little more time. This isn't exactly an ideal situation." You speak quickly, trying to smooth it over. The air practically crackles with tension. 

Gamzee looks like he's going to protest, his brow furrowing, but he is cut off by a deafening screech. It sounds like metal being bent in on itself far beyond what it was meant to do. 

"What was that?" You ask softly, like he would know. He doesn't answer, moving to the door to look around. When he looks back at you his expression is feral, possessive, and you know he was checking for threats. 

You get a sour taste in your mouth. 

"Everyone's meetin' in the computer room." He watches you expectantly, his expression dark. Of course he would want you two to walk closely. You both knew what happened when people got separated in this game. 

You don't bother asking how he knows where everyone is. A noise like thst would cause a lot of fear, all bunched together in one area. You swallow and walk out the door. He's close behind you, and you can't see but you know he has a club in his hand. 

You can feel him tensed, ready to beat the shit out of anything that may appear suddenly. You reach for your own strife specibus, but discover you left it in your room this morning. Of all the days not to have it on you. 

Luckily, you aren't too far away. It is mere moments before you're pushing into a crowded room. You let Gamzee go ahead, pulling the door shut behind you. It makes you feel better to be in the group. 

By the time you've joined him again, Gamzee has relaxed. His posture is slouched, and there is a slight, lazy smile on his face. But he grabs your arm, and you can feel it again in his grip, that possessiveness. 

By the looks of it there were already a few people in here using the computers when the chaos started. Others must have ran from wherever they were, a manic fear in their eyes. A few people were still arriving, like Karkat who stomped in accompanied by Dave and Terezi. 

"Alright somebody better be ready here to tell me what the hell is going on or I swear to god I will start going person to person kicking asses. If one of you assholes broke another wall I'm gonna go apeshit on this whole room!" Karkat's ranting seemed to break something in the room, and though the tension was still there, it was definitely less. 

"No one broke a wall." Kanaya spoke up, her voice as even as ever though her face was troubled. "If I'm right..." She faltered, and Rose who was of course nearby reached over immediately to take her hand. 

You feel that bitter jealousy again, but you try to push it down. 

"If I'm right, we've stopped." 

Silence fell. 

Everyone seemed to look at each other all at once, the same question on their tongues. 

"What do you mean stopped?" Dave is the first to ask, his expression carefully blank. Everyone looks to Kanaya, waiting for an answer. 

"Well...we aren't moving anymore. At all. We've just...stopped. And I don't know why, there's no reason for it! All I know is one minute we were going just fine, and now we're not. But apparently it also happened gradually enough that we didn't even feel it, and I haven't got a clue how that's possible, and I..." Kanaya trailed off, looking helpless. It wasn't often she got carried away like that. 

It took a long moment for the information to sink in. Then there was chaos. Everyone asking questions at once, yelling to try and be heard over the noise, ironically only making everything louder. 

You swallow, feeling dizzy. This wasn't supposed to happen. 

"Alright, calm down. This is probably just a weird space related hiccup. Someone get Jade on Trollian so we can figure this shit out and get back on track, please." Karkat was in full leader mode now. It was like his whole posture changed. 

"We tried that." Rose is as sensible as always, but even you can tell she's unnerved. "We can't pester anyone. We can't get on the internet either, or what's left of it. We're just...suspended. like we've been paused." 

A second ripple of fear spreads through the crowd. Karkat is quick to head it off again. "Did we by any chance come to a stop in one of the dream bubbles? We could get a message to her that way." 

Kanaya shakes her head. 

"Okay." Karkat nods. "Okay. I'm sure Jade has by now noticed that we aren't speeding along beside her, and if she hasn't then she will soon. We have enough grist to make food for a very long time, as long as we're careful. That means no more life sized replicas of the statue of liberty with Ben Stiller's face." 

Dave looks rightfully sheepish. 

"We'll change anything big and unecesarry back into grist, and if we're out here for too much longer we'll start working our way down from most to least shitty wastes of space. Remember we still have to survive out here for two and a half years once we get moving again, and there aren't any monsters to farm. Alright? Everyone got it? Good. Go find something to do besides shuffling around like terrified grubs. And be careful, we still don't know what caused this." Karkat shook his head and turned to talk to someone more quietly. You stop paying attention. 

Gamzee has ahold of your arm and he growls low in his throat. You can feel him, nervous and protective. No, not protective, possessive. You are his, and he thinks this...whatever...might be a threat to that. You grimace a bit, only to realize that Rose is looking at you oddly. You see now that Kanaya is the one talking to Karkat, which left her matesprite free for curious staring. 

You tilt your head to one side and she gestures for you to come to her. You raise one eyebrow curiously, but move towards her, pulling against Gamzee's grip on you in the process. He doesn't let go at first, and you turn to look at him, confused. 

"You heard Karkat. We're motherfuckin stickin together till we know what's going on." His grip tightens on your arm and you frown. 

"I'm just going across the room." You protest, genuinely confused. "I'll be fine. More than fine. I mean, there isn't anywhere safer than this room right now." Even as several of your crewmates are filtering out, it's still the largest collection of power this side of the horrorterrors. He looks like he's about to argue, but he loosens his grip suddenly. 

"Hey Anya, come over here. I need your help with something." By the time you look up, Rose looks perfectly innocent. But you know she must have been staring Gamzee down something fierce to make him let go so suddenly. You hesitate for a moment. 

"I'll meet you back in your room." Gamzee's voice is cold as he steps past you to leave the room. Your heart stops for a minute. You have to actually force yourself to walk over and join Rose. You make your face into a small, uncertain smile, as you prepare for what is no doubt going to be a long and awkward conversation.


	7. Evening Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose asks you to help her and Karkat check for threats, and asks some pretty awkward questions in the process. 
> 
> Note: I'm alive! Or am I?

Rose smiles innocently enough as you creep over with a shy smile of your own. 

"Ah, thank you dear, would you mind giving me a hand for a second? With all this chaos I could really use the help." 

"Oh!" You breathe out a sigh of relief. "Of course, yeah. What do you need?" It made since that everyone would have something to do, even if it was odd to be singled out like this. 

"That's the spirit. Me and Karkat are going to go take a quick look around, and we could use an extra set of hands. Mind accompanying us? I'm going to let Dave and Kanaya stay and try to figure out some of the more technical things." Rose rests her hand on Kanaya's arm casually, as if it was an instinct. 

"Are you sure it's wise to go off in such a small group?" Kanaya's brow furrows with gentle concern. 

Rose smiles easily, leaning in and pressing her lips against her girlfriend's briefly. "We'll be careful." She whispers, a determined glint in her eyes. Her dark knitting needs are in her hands, crackling with power. 

Karkat clears his throat, shattering the tender moment. "Are you two quite finished? Should we leave you alone for a moment so that you can satisfy your teenage lust right here in the computer room?" 

"Oh how thoughtful of you Karkat, you and Arya can go ahead and I'll be along once I've finished." Rose puts some space between herself and Kanaya, shooting a challenging look towards the unamused troll. Kanaya flushes at the implications. 

You look away, embarrased to to intrude on such a tender scene. They were so sweet together, it made you feel sad and bitter. Would you and Gamzee ever have that? You remember the look he gave you before stalking off, and your stomach lurches. 

Karkat only rolls his eyes again, making his way to the door and peering out the hallway. The rooms that were once so peaceful and safe were now filled with uncertainty. A scythe appears in Karkat's hands, and he looks over his shoulder. "Well? Let's get this over with. I don't know about you two, I'm not really in the mood to die a horrible death today." 

Rose gives Kanaya's arm one last comforting squeeze, before stepping away to follow Karkat. "Do your genius thing, we'll be back before you know it." She smiles, and gestures for you to follow her. 

Karkat steps into the hallway first, and you go right behind him, Rose bringing up the rear. You feel vulnerable without your strife specubus, and curse yourself again for being so unprepared. The halls are empty, whoever decided to leave the computer room having holed themselves up in their room. The silence is eerie, unusual for the usually chaotic meteor. You take a deep breathe. 

At least the creaking had stopped, and it no longer felt like the whole thing was going to snap in half at a moment's notice. You all three move from room to room, checking for anything out of order. Karkat stops at the first door, hesitating for just a moment, before pushing the door open. 

A loud crash rings out into the silence, causing everyone to jump. You reach again for your empty specubus, clenching your fists in your fear. 

"Oh son of a BITCH." Karkat steps into the room with a growl. "It was one of strider's shitty goddamn pranks!" 

You and Rose seem to let out a breath in the exact same moment, and you peek inside to see that indeed, the noise had been caused by a bucket crashing to the ground. It takes only a second of critical thinking to realize it had been precariously balanced on the door, just waiting for someone to come by and set it off. It wasn't even full of water! It really was a shitty prank. 

"I am going to kill that asshole, he is so dead!" Karkat snaps, but you can see him relax too, running a hand over his face with a defeated snarl. 

"I'll help. We can kill him together." Rose says coolly, stepping past the still fuming troll to inspect the rest of the room. After a moment, she returns to the hallway with a shrug. "All clear." She declares. 

The rest of the rooms are equally as uneventful, without any poorly-timed japes. No intruders, no holes outside into the void. A few walls were bent out of shape, explaining the awful noises that drove them to realize something was wrong at all. Rose concluded that the change in speed must have done it after a moment of deliberation. Nothing too dangerous for now, and it might even be fixable. It didn't explain anything about why this was happening, but it was still a relief. 

It took about an hour to shuffle through almost all the rooms, and with each empty area the tension in the air lessened. You were on the last few rooms to check when Rose spoke up with an idea. 

"This is taking too long." She declared matter-of-factly. "Karkat why don't you go check the last room and work your way backwords, and we'll meet in the middle. There aren't too many left, so if you get in trouble just holler and we'll be able to hear you." She shoots Karkat a meaningful look, which he returned with a confused one. 

"I guess." He shrugs. "I don't think it really matters anyway, I'm pretty sure we aren't gonna find anything we didn't already find." He shuffles down the hallway, turning a corner so you couldn't see him anymore. 

You turn to Rose, a question on your lips, but she waves it away. 

"Just trying to be efficient." She explains, leading you through the next doorway casually. "As long as we're doing this together, why don't we catch up? We've been living on this thing together for a while, but I feel like I don't know you very well." She hums thoughtfully, poking her head in and out of a closet. 

You chuckle awkwardly, pushing a box aside so you can peer behind it. "I guess we were both just busy with other things. Like Kanaya, for instance. You two look happy." You aren't sure why she is initiating small talk now, of all times, but you feel just a bit like you're on trial. 

She smiles then, a genuine one. "Very happy. It's hard not to be when she's around." Your heart pangs for what feels like the hundredth time today. Why does their relationship have to be so...pure? It makes you feel broken, wrong. 

"Ah, but here I am talking about myself when you have your own matesprite! How are you two, anyway? We hardly see anything of Gamzee since you two got together! He's always with you." Rose's expression is as innocent as always, but there's an unspoken question under her words. You aren't sure what it is, but it settles on the room heavily. 

"Oh, we're fine. Great, even! I mean. As good as it gets in these...conditions. This game isn't exactly ideal for romance, you know? I'm not sure how you and Kanaya get through all the stress so effortlessly." You carefully try to work the conversation back her way, but Rose isn't taking the bait. 

"There are challenges sure, but in the end I think it's really nice to have someone to lean on, don't you?" 

You're still trying to think of an answer when Karkat saves you by strutting in. 

"You're both slow as ass! I'm done already and you're still here! What was this some kind of ploy to get me to do all the work? Jesus christ." 

You jump, turning to face him with a guilty smile. He squints, looking between you and Rose. 

"Oh my god were you psychoanalizing this poor girl? For god's sake Rose do you ever take a break from being a pretentious douchebag?" 

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. That explained the strange line of questioning. She was merely practicing her psychiatrist babble on you. How could you forget that she did that? 

"Me and Arya were simply indulging in some friendly girl-talk while we worked. I'm fairly certain I know the answer, but did you find anything?" 

Karkat huffs, crossing his arms. "Nothing. It's like a ghost ship in here, that's probably because everyone's in the computer room though. Should we go give them the all clear?" 

Rose nods thoughtfully. "I suppose so. Better still keep an eye out though, just in case. It wouldn't be the first time we let our guard down by mistake." She moves to leave the room, turning to look at you. "Coming?" 

You fidget with the hem of your shirt. "Ah, actually, as long as everything's safe I'd better get back to my room. Gamzee's waiting for me." 

Karkat misinterprets your nervousness as embarrassment, and gags loudly. "Really? At a time like this?? What is WRONG with you people? And more importantly, why did I agree to be sandwiched between you two horny assholes for an hour?" 

You flush brightly, and open your mouth to stammer out some sort of excuse, but Rose nudges Karkat forcefully, ending his rant and interrupting you. 

"Don't mind him. He's just upset he can't be as openly gross with anyone." The statement would normally have a teasing edge to it, but Rose delivers it casually, shooting Karkat a meaningful look. This shuts him up for the moment, although he looks confused. 

You force out a laugh, pushing past the two of them as carefully as you can. "Let me know if you need anything else from me, okay? I'm uh, probably going to go to bed early tonight, but I don't have anything going on tomorrow I don't think." You joke, waving goodbye a little awkwardly, before scurrying down the hallway towards your room. 

Just before you leave earshot, you hear Rose mutter something to Karkat, but can't make it out. Your stomach twists, but you force yourself not to worry about it. You would have plenty else to worry about tonight.


End file.
